They just keep coming...


Subject: CELIBACY

Celibacy can be a choice in life, or a condition imposed by circumstances.
While attending a Marriage Encounter Weekend,Walter and his wife Ann,
listened to the instructordeclare,
"It is essential that husbandsand wives know the things that are important[/align]to eachother.
He addressed the men,
"Can you name and describe your wife's favouriteflower?"
Walter leaned over, touched Ann's arm gently andwhispered,
"Robin Hood-All-purpose,isn't it?"[/align]
And thus began Walter's life of celibacy.[/align]

 

A doe staggered out of the trees and into a clearing, looking dazed and confused. "Wow," she said, "that's the last time I'll do that for two bucks."

 

Nice!!! I have to forward that to the Guy's in our Hunting Camp.


Two 90 year old men, Mike and Joe, have been friends all of theirlives.
When it's clear that Joe is dying, Mike visits him every day. One day
Mike says, "Joe, we both loved football all our lives, and we played minor
league football together for so many years. Please do me one favour,
when you get to Heaven, somehow you must let me know if there's football
there." Joe looks up at Mike from his death bed," Mike, you've been my best
friend for many years. If it's at all possible, I'll do this favour for you.
Shortly after that, Joe passes on. At midnight a couple of nights later, Mike is awakened from a sound
sleepby a blinding flash of white light and a voice calling out to him,"
Mike--Mike."
"Who is it?, asks Mike sitting up suddenly. "Who is it?"
"Mike--it's me, Joe."
"You're not Joe. Joe just died."
"I'm telling you, it's me, Joe," insists the voice."
"Joe! Where are you?"
"In heaven", replies Joe. "I have some really good news and a little badnews."
"Tell me the good news first," says Mike.
"The good news," Joe says," is that there's football in heaven. Better
yet, all of our old friends who died before us are here, too. Better
than that, we're all young again. Better still, it's always spring time and
itnever rains or snows. And best of all, we can play football all we
want, and we never get tired."
"That's fantastic," says Mike. "It's beyond my wildest dreams! So
what's the bad news?
"You're playing Tuesday."

 

Haha

 

All good ones you all but the one by rolomac and getting out of the beer vat to pee three times killed me. Now that is funny right there now. Git er done. I love watching the Blue Collar Comedy Tour Series. Have any of you seen this? Bill Engvall is my fav and the skit he did with the dorkfish had me laughing so hard the first time I saw that damn near peed my own shorts. If you have never seen the program then get it and take a look. Maybe not funny for all but I thought his skit was hilarious. Larry the cable guy is of course always a kick and so is Jeff but never did like Ron White untill I heard his story of gitting kicked out of the bar. That was very good!!

 

Ever seen the skit The Blue Comedy Tour did about their "Decks"?
Absolutely Hilarious

Here is one for the Ladies

Five tips for a woman....
1. It is important that a man helps you around the house and has a job.

2. It is important that a man makes you laugh.

3. It is important to find a man you can count on and doesn't lie to you.

4. It is important that a man loves you and spoils you.

5. It is important that these four men don't know each other.

 

Haha

 

Nice one cl8ton

A very old woman came into her doctor's office andconfessed to an embarrassing problem. "I fart all the time. Doctor Johnson, ,but they're soundless and they have no odor. In fact, since I've been here, I've farted no less than twenty times. What can I do?"

"Here's a prescription, Mrs. Harris. Take these pills three times a day for seven days and come back and see me in a week."

Next week an upset Mrs. Harris marched into Dr. Johnson's office. "Doctor, I don't know what was in those pills, but the problem is worse! I'm farting just as much, but now they smell terrible! What do you have to say for yourself?"

"Calm down, Mrs. Harris," said the doctor soothingly. "Now that we've cleared up your sinuses, we'll work on you hearing!!!!"

 

That took me like 3 times reading through to get it but I got it.

 

About 3 times for me to... Good one Though. Got this one today... hopefully they will be better next week. :&gt))


Subject: The Mole Family
A mama mole, a papa mole, and a baby mole all live in a little mole
hole. One day the papa mole sticks his head out of the hole, sniffs the air and says,"Yum! I smell maple syrup!"
The mama mole sticks her head out of the hole, sniffs the air and
says "Yum! I smell honey!"
The baby mole tries to stick his head out of the hole to sniff the
air, but can't because the bigger moles are in the way so he says, "Geez, all I can smell
is....
MOLASSES" !!!


Heading out Fishing tonight... Have a Good Weekend!