This one had me cracking up
#11
04-22-2007, 01:26 AM
RE: This one had me cracking up
Matt's dad picked him up from school one afternoon. Knowing the parts for the school play were supposed to be posted today, he asked his son if he got a part.
Matt enthusiastically announced that he'd gotten a part. "I play a man who's been married for twenty years."
"That's great, son. Keep up the good work and before you know it they'll be giving you a speaking part."
Matt enthusiastically announced that he'd gotten a part. "I play a man who's been married for twenty years."
"That's great, son. Keep up the good work and before you know it they'll be giving you a speaking part."
#13
04-22-2007, 11:05 PM
RE: This one had me cracking up
A blonde woman got done with her first ever round of gold and headed off to the clubhouse. The club pro, who knew she'd never golfed before, asked her how it went. She said horrible- I got stung by a bee between the first and second holes. The club pro told her that her stance was too wide.
#14
04-23-2007, 06:46 PM
RE: This one had me cracking up
A recent Scottish immigrant attends his first baseball game in his new country and after a base hit he hears the fans roaring RUN...RUN!!
The next batter connects heavily with the ball and the Scotsman stands up and roars with the crowd in his thick accent, "R-r-run ya bahstard, R-run will ya!"
A third batter slams a hit and again the Scotsman, obviously pleased with his new knowledge of the game, screams "R-r-run ya bahstard, r-r-run will ya!"
The next batter held his swing at three and two and as the ump calls a walk the Scotsman stands up yelling "R-r-run ya bahstard, r-r-run!" All of the surrounding fans giggle quietly and he sits down quite confused. A friendly fan, sensing his embarassment whispers, "He doesn't have to run, he's got four *****."
After this explanation, the Scotsman stands up in disbelief and screams, "Walk with pr-r-ride man!!"
The next batter connects heavily with the ball and the Scotsman stands up and roars with the crowd in his thick accent, "R-r-run ya bahstard, R-run will ya!"
A third batter slams a hit and again the Scotsman, obviously pleased with his new knowledge of the game, screams "R-r-run ya bahstard, r-r-run will ya!"
The next batter held his swing at three and two and as the ump calls a walk the Scotsman stands up yelling "R-r-run ya bahstard, r-r-run!" All of the surrounding fans giggle quietly and he sits down quite confused. A friendly fan, sensing his embarassment whispers, "He doesn't have to run, he's got four *****."
After this explanation, the Scotsman stands up in disbelief and screams, "Walk with pr-r-ride man!!"
#15
04-25-2007, 12:28 AM
RE: This one had me cracking up
A blonde goes into a laundry mat and asks to have her sweater cleaned. The laundromat attendant doesn't hear her correctly and says, "come again?" The blonde blushes slightly and giggles, "oh, no it's just mustard this time."
#16
04-25-2007, 12:30 AM
RE: This one had me cracking up
A blonde wanting to earn some money decided to hire herself out as a handyman- type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do. "Well, you can paint my porch, how much will you charge?" he replied. The blonde said "How about $50.00 ?" The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladder were in the garage. The man's wife inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?" The man replied, "She should, she was standing on the porch." A short time later, the blond came to the door to collect her money. "You're finished already?" he asked. "Yes, the blond answered and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats". Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50.00 "and by the way the blond added, "that's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari".
#17
04-25-2007, 01:53 AM
RE: This one had me cracking up
ORIGINAL: wsoape281
[align=left]A blonde goes into a laundry mat and asks to have her sweater cleaned. The laundromat attendant doesn't hear her correctly and says, "come again?" The blonde blushes slightly and giggles, "oh, no it's just mustard this time."[/align]
[align=left]A blonde goes into a laundry mat and asks to have her sweater cleaned. The laundromat attendant doesn't hear her correctly and says, "come again?" The blonde blushes slightly and giggles, "oh, no it's just mustard this time."[/align]
#18
04-26-2007, 10:20 PM
RE: This one had me cracking up
a second grade teacher talked one day to her class about speech impediments.
"Human beings are the only animals that stutter", she says.
A little girl raises her hand. "I had a kitty-cat who stuttered", she volunteered.
The teacher, knowing how precious some of these stories could become, asked the girl to describe the incident.
"Well", she began, "I was in the back yard with my kitty and the rottweiler that lives next door got a running start and before we knew it, he jumped over the fence into our yard!
"That must've been scary", said the teacher.
"It sure was", said the little girl. "My little kitty went 'Fffff, Fffff, Fffff'... and before he could say "F**k," the rottweiler ate him!"
A little girl raises her hand. "I had a kitty-cat who stuttered", she volunteered.
The teacher, knowing how precious some of these stories could become, asked the girl to describe the incident.
"Well", she began, "I was in the back yard with my kitty and the rottweiler that lives next door got a running start and before we knew it, he jumped over the fence into our yard!
"That must've been scary", said the teacher.
"It sure was", said the little girl. "My little kitty went 'Fffff, Fffff, Fffff'... and before he could say "F**k," the rottweiler ate him!"
