Laughing Doctor -
The Doctor replied 'Of Course I won't laugh, I'm a professional. In over twenty
Years I've never laughed at a patient.' 'Okay then,' Bob said, and proceeded to drop his trousers, revealing
The tiniest 'whoo-ha' the doctor had ever seen. It Couldn't have been bigger than the size of a AAA
Battery. Unable to control himself, the doctor started Giggling, then fell laughing to the floor. Ten minutes later
He was able to struggle to his feet and regain his Composure. 'I'm so sorry,' said the doctor. 'I really am.
I don't know what came over me. On my honor as a doctor And a gentleman, I promise it won't happen again. Now,
What seems to be the problem?'
'It's swollen,' Bob replied.

 

A lady went into the pharmacy and asked the pharmacist for a bottle of arsenic so she could kill her husband. The pharmacist was shocked and said, "Lady I'm sorry, but you can't just come in and ask for arsenic like that." The lady didn't say anything in response but simply handed the pharmacist a photograph. He took one look and was shocked again - - - it was a picture of his own wife in a very revealing pose with the lady's husband. "Oh, well," he said, I didn't realize that you have a prescription.

Rolomac

 

A bank robber stepped into a branch bank at the height of the rush hour. He stepped up to a window, pointed his gun,and told the teller "Give me all of your money." The terrified teller did as she was told. An elderly lady in line at the next window was outraged. "You've got a lot of nerve," she said, "holding up a bank in broad daylight in front of all of these witnesses".

The robber turned to her and said, "Did you see me rob this bank?"

"Of course I did," she said. The robber shot her dead.

He then turned to the man next in line and said, "Did you see me rob this bank?"

"Absolutely not," said the man, "but my wife did."

 

SNOTTY RECEPTIONIST

An older gentleman had an appointment to see the urologist who
shared offices with several other doctors. The waiting room was filled
with patients.

As he approached the receptionist desk he noticed that the
receptionist was a large unfriendly woman who looked like a Sumo
wrestler. He gave her his name.

In a very loud voice, the receptionist said, 'YES, I HAVE YOUR
NAME HERE; YOU WANT TO SEE THE DOCTOR ABOUT IMPOTENCE, RIGHT?'

All the patients in the waiting room snapped their heads around
to look at the very embarrassed man.

He recovered quickly, and in an equally loud voice replied, 'NO,
I'VE COME TO INQUIRE ABOUT A SEX CHANGE OPERATION, BUT I DON'T WANT THE
SAME DOCTOR THAT DID YOURS.'

 

Heather Mills-McCartney was being driven around the countryside in her
limo.

Suddenly a cow walked into the road and, unable to stop in time, the limo
hit the cow.

Slightly shaken up, the driver went to see if the cow was alright.
'Is it alright?' asked Heather . The driver prodded the cow with his
foot and shook his head.
'No ma'am, it's dead.'
'Well you were driving, so you can go tell the farmer what happened!' So
the driver went off to the nearby farm.

A couple of hours later he came back holding a bottle of wine, his
clothes scruffy and messed up.
'Oh my god, what happened to you?' Heather exclaimed.

'Well ma'am,' explained the driver, 'the farmer gave me this bottle of
wine, the farmer's wife gave a kiss and their daughter made love to me.'

'Just what the hell did you say to them?'
'I'm Heather Mills-McCartney's driver and I've just killed the cow.

 

Biology Class
Students in an advanced Biology class were taking their mid-term
exam.
The last question was, 'Name seven advantages of Mother's Milk, worth
70 points or none at all.
One student , in particular, was hard put to think of seven
advantages.
He wrote:
1. ) It is perfect formula for the child.
2.) It provides immunity against several diseases.
3.) It is always the right temperature.
4.) It is inexpensive.
5.) It bonds the child to mother, and vice versa.
6.) It is always available as needed.

And then, the student was stuck. Finally, in desperation, just before
the bell indicating the end of the test rang, he wrote...

7.) It comes in cute containers.

 

Don't interrupt!
[hr]

Little Johnny watched his daddy's car pass by the
school playground and go into the woods. Curious, he followed the car and saw
Daddy and Auntie Jane in a passionate embrace.

Little Johnny found this so exciting that he could hardly contain himself as he
ran home and started to tell his mother. 'Mummy, I was in the playground and I
saw Daddy's car go into the woods with Auntie Jane. I went back to look and he
was giving Auntie Jane a big kiss, and then he helped her take off her shirt.
Then Auntie Jane helped Daddy take his pants off, then Auntie Jane......'At
this point Mummy cut him off and said, 'Johnny, this is such an interesting
story, suppose you save the rest of it for supper time. I want to see the look
on Daddy's face when you tell it tonight.'

At the dinner table that evening, Mummy asked little Johnny to tell his story.
Johnny started his story, 'I was at the playground and I saw Daddy's car go
into the woods with Auntie Jane. I went to look and he was giving Auntie Jane a
big kiss, then he helped her take off her shirt. Then Auntie Jane helped Daddy
take his pants off, and then Auntie Jane and Daddy started doing the same thing
that Mummy and Uncle Bill used to do when Daddy was in the Army.'

Mummy fainted!

Moral: Sometimes you need to listen to the whole story before you interrupt![/align][/align]Rolomac[/align]

 

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA LOLL. thats funny

 

Jim and Bob were old ice fishing buddies. One day they sat in their fishing shelter for hours without saying a word while they were both lost in their thoughts watching their bobbers and waiting for a bite. After a couple of hours, Bob said, "Jim - there is something I want to share with you. I've decided to divorce Betty."

Jim was shocked and said, "Bob - I'm shocked! You and Betty have been married for over twenty years. You have great kids. You own your own home. You've always seemed like such a great couple. What in the world could be wrong?"

Bob replied, "Well for one thing, she hasn't spoken to me in over three months."

Jim was amazed and said, "Now Bob, don't be rushing into this - - - you know awoman like that is hard to find."

Rolomac

 

I'm Back!!!


A blonde, wanting to earn some extra money, decided to hire herself out
as a 'Handywoman' and started canvassing a nearby well-to-do
neighborhood.

She went to the front door of the first house, and asked the owner if he
had any odd jobs for her to do. 'Well, I guess I could use somebody to
paint my porch,' he said, 'How much will you charge me?'

The blonde quickly responded, 'How about $50?'

The man agreed and told her that the paint and everything she would need
was in the garage. The man's wife, hearing the conversation, said to her
husband:

'Does she realize that our porch goes all the way around the house?'

He responded, 'That's a bit cynical, isn't it?'

The wife replied, 'You're right. I guess I'm starting to believe all
those dumb blonde jokes we've been getting by e-mail lately.'

A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.

'You're finished already?' the husband asked.

'Yes,' the blonde replied,' and I had paint leftover, so I gave it two
coats.'

Impressed, the man reached into his pocket for the $50 and handed it to
her.

'And by the way,' the blonde added, 'it's not a Porsche, it's a
Lexus!!!!!!!!!