She told me we couldn't afford beer anymore and that i would have to quit.

Then I caught her spending $65 for makeup.

I asked her how come I had to give up stuff and she didn't.

She said she needed the makeup to look pretty for me.

I told her that was what the beer was for.




I don't think she's coming back.......

 

LOL yeah thats like the one where he cant buy premade cigs anymore he has to use loose tobacco and rolling papers

so he takes away her tampons and gives her cotton ***** and paper

 

haha nice one got anymore?

 

A man and his wife decide to throw a huge dinnerparty. The wife says to the man "Hey, who should we get to do our catering?" The man says "I don't care." (The usual way that men say it meaning "Honey, whatever yo udecide I will be fine with.") The wife took it as "I don't care about our relationship, this party you are working hard one, or our friends." So they got into a huge arguement and the man left to go drinking. Halfway through the party the man returns **** *** drunk. He is peeing in a display plant when the wife walks in saying. "Honey? What the hell are you doing?!" The man just kind of laughs and finishes then walks up to her.
"You're drunk!" She exclaims.
"Yeah, and you're ugly, but in the morning I'll be sober!!"

 

Being part Irish, I found this one was pretty good since we were on the alcohol subject.

One day an Englishman, a Scotsman, and an Irishman walked into a pub together. They each proceeded to buy a pint of Guinness. Just as they were about to enjoy their creamy beverage, three fly's landed in each of their pints and were stuck in the thick, frothy head.

The Englishman pushed his beer from him in disgust.

The Scotsman scooped at his beer until he washed the fly out and then continued drinking.

The Irishman carefully picked the fly out his drink, then held it out over the beer and started yelling
"SPIT IT OUT YOU $#@%&!!! SPIT IT OUT!!!!!"

 

haha

 

two families live in ireland and both of the men of the house work at the Guinness brewery. one of the women comes over to the others house one day and gives her the bad news that her husband is dead. she tells the woman: "he fell in a vat of Guinness and drowned."
the other woman is shaken and asks "did he suffer long?"
the woman replies "no, they said he got out three times to pee"

 

Now that was very funny wsoape281!!!!!!!!!! What a way to go.

Could not think of any other liquor ones right off so here goes.

Three men who were lost in the forest were captured by cannibals. The cannibal king told the prisoners that they could live if they could pass one trial. The first step of the trial was to go to the forest and gather ten pieces of the same kind of fruit. So all three men went separate ways to gather fruits.

The first one came back and said to the king. " I have brought ten apples to you." The king then explained the trial to him. "You have to shove the fruits up your butt one at a time without any expression on your face or you will be killed and eaten."

The first apple went in...but on the second one he winced out in pain, so he was killed and put in the pot.

The second guy arrives and showed the king ten berries. When the king explained the trial to him he thought to himself that this should be easy. 1...2...3...4...5...6...7...8.. and on the ninth berry he burst out in laughter and was killed.

The first guy and the second guy met in heaven. The first one asked, "Why did you laugh, you almost got away with it?" The second guy replied, "I couldn't help it, I saw the third guy coming with pineapples."

 

so a blonde is in the middle of a corn field in a row boat trying to row across. another blonde drives by and sees her so she stops, gets on top of the car, and screams, "what your doing is a disgrace to all of us. it gives all blondes bad names and if i had a boat i'd come out there and kick your ***."

 

How many blondes does it take to bake chocolate chip cookies?

7- 1 to make the cookie dough and the other 6 to peel the M&Ms