Cinderella update





Cinderella is now 95 years old.

After a fulfilling life with the now dead prince, she happily sits upon her rocking chair, watching the world go by from her front porch, with a cat named Bob for companionship.

One sunny afternoon out of nowhere, appeared the fairy godmother.







Cinderella said, "Fairy Godmother, what are you doing here after all these years?"

The fairy godmother replied, "Cinderella, you have lived an exemplary life since I last saw you. Is there anything for which your heart still yearns?"

Cinderella was taken aback, overjoyed, and after some thoughtful consideration, she uttered her first wish:

"The prince was wonderful, but not much of an investor. I'm living hand to mouth on my disability checks, and I wish I were wealthy beyond comprehension.
Instantly her rocking chair turned into solid gold.

Cinderella said,
"Ooh, thank you, Fairy Godmother"

The fairy godmother replied, "It is the least that I can do. What do you want for your second wish?"

Cinderella looked down at her frail body, and said,
"I wish I were young and full of the beauty and youth I once had."






At once, her wish became reality, and her beautiful young visage returned. Cinderella felt stirrings inside of her that had been dormant for years.

And then the fairy godmother spoke once more:
"You have one more wish; what shall it be?"






Cinderella looks over to the frightened cat in the corner and says, "I wish for you to transform Bob, my old cat, into a kind and handsome young man."


Magically, Bob suddenly underwent so fundamental a change in his biological make-up that, when he stood before her, he was a man so beautiful the likes of him neither she nor the world had ever seen . The fairy godmother said, "Congratulat ions, Cinderella, enjoy your new life."
With a blazing shock of bright blue electricity, the fairy godmother was gone as suddenly as she appeared.

For a few eerie moments, Bob and Cinderella looked into each other's eyes.





Cinderella sat, breathless, gazing at the most beautiful, stunningly perfect man she had ever seen.

Then Bob walked over to Cinderella, who sat transfixed in her rocking chair, & held her close in his young muscular arms.

He leaned in close, blowing her golden hair with his warm breath as he whispered...

"Bet you're sorry you neutered me."

 

Good one cl8ton!

Recently a blonde who just got home from work discovered that her home had been ransacked and burglarized. She immediately phoned the police and reported the crime. The police dispatcher broadcast the call and a K-9 unit, patrolling nearby, was the first to respond. As the K-9 officer approached the house with his dog on a leash, the blonde ran out onto the porch, shuddered at the sight of the cop and his dog, and then sat down on the steps. She put her face in her hands and sobbed, "I come home to find all my possessions stolen - - - I call the police for help - - - and what do they do?

They send me a blind policeman."

Rolomac

 

There is a factory in Northern Minnesota which makes
the Tickle Me Elmo toys. The toy laughs when you tickle
it under the arms.

Well, Lena is hired at The Tickle Me Elmo factory and
she reports for her first day promptly at 8:00 AM.

The next day at 8:45 AM there is a knock at the
Personnel Manager's door. The Foreman throws
open the door and begins to rant about the new
employee.

He complains that she is incredibly slow and the whole
line is backing up, putting the entire production line
behind schedule.

The Personnel Manager decides he should see this for
himself, so the 2 men march down to the factory floor.
When they get there the line is so backed up that there
are Tickle Me Elmo's all over the factory floor and they're
really beginning to pile up.

At the end of the line stands Lena surrounded by mountains
of Tickle Me Elmo's. She has a roll of plush
red fabric and a huge bag of small marbles.

The 2 men watch in amazement as she cuts a little piece
of fabric, wraps it around two marbles and begins to
carefully sew the little package between Elmo's legs.

The Personnel Manager bursts into laughter.
After several minutes of hysterics he pulls himself
together and approaches Lena.

'I'm sorry,' he says to her, barely able to keep a straight face,
'but I think you misunderstood the instructions I gave you
yesterday...'

'Your job is to give Elmo two test tickles.

 

PUTTING HER AFFAIRS IN ORDER

A woman went to her doctor. The doctor, after an examination, sighed and
said,
"I have some bad news. You have cancer, and you'd best put your
affairs in order."

The woman was shocked, but managed to compose herself
and walk into the waiting room where her daughter had been waiting. "Well
daughter, we women celebrate when things are good, and we celebrate when
things don't go so well. In this case, things aren't well. I have cancer.
Let's head to the club and have a margarita." After 3 or 4 margarita's, the
two were feeling a little less somber.
There were some laughs and more margaritas.

They were eventually approached by some of the woman's old
friends, who were curious as to what the two were celebrating. The woman
told her friends
they were drinking to her impending end. "I've been
diagnosed with AIDS."

The frien! ds were aghast and gave the woman their
condolences. After the friends left, the woman's daughter leaned over and
whispered, "Mom, I thought you said you were dying of cancer, and you just
told your friends you were dying of AIDS."

The woman said, "I don't want any of those bitches sleeping with your father
after I'm gone."

Hell yes, women are evil.....

 

My lucky night

I ended up with an older woman at a club last night. She looked OK for a 57-year-old.
In fact, she wasn't too bad at all, and I found myself thinking that she probably had a hot daughter.
We drank a bit, and had a bit of a snuggle and she asked if I'd ever had a Sportsman's Double
'What's that?' I asked.
'It's a mother and daughter threesome,' she Said[/align]I said, 'No' - excitedly.

We drank a bit more then she says that tonight was 'my lucky night'. [/align]I went back to her place.
She put on the hall light and shouted upstairs, [/align]'Mom, you still
awake?'
[/align]

 

Blondes at it again,

On their honeymoon, the blonde bride slipped into a sexy nightie and, with great anticipation, crawled into bed, only to find that her new Catholic husband had settled down on the couch.

When she asked him why he was apparently not going to make love to her, he replied, "It's Lent."

In tears, she remarked, "Well, that is the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard! Who did you lend it to, and for how long?"

 

A married couple were asleep when the phone rang at 2:00 in the morning.

The wife (who was undoubtedly blonde) picked up the phone, listened a moment and said "How should I know - - - that's 200 miles from here!" and hung up.

The husband asked, "Who was it?"

The wife said, "I don't know, some woman wanting to know if the coast is clear."

Rolomac

 

An elderly couple, who were both widowed, had been going out with each other for a long time.
Urged on by their friends, they decided it was finally time to get married.
Before the wedding, they went out to dinner and had a long conversation regarding how their marriage might work.
They discussed finances, living arrangements and so on. Finally, the old gentleman decided it was time to broach the subject of their physical relationship.
"How do you feel about sex?" he asked, rather trustingly.
"Well," she said, responding very carefully, "I'd have to say, I would like it infrequently."
The old gentleman sat quietly for a moment then, looking over his glasses, casually asked, "Is that one word or two?"

 

LOLLLLLLLLL. i like that cinderella one. thats hillarious. i swear to god

 

The firemen at the local station had the hook and ladder truck out in the sunshine giving it a wash job. One of them happened to notice that they were being watched by the little girl who lived just down the block. She had on her toy fireman's helmet, a raincoat and rain boots and had her red wagon hooked up to her dog and her cat to pull it. Amused at how cute this looked the firemen all gathered around and complimented her on her equipment. Then one of them noticed that the wagon was hitched to be pulled by a rope hooked to the dog's collar and another to the cat's *********. One of the firemen said, "Honey, you might be able to go faster if you had both your dog and your cat hooked up to their collars." The little girl thought about it for a moment and then answered, "Yes, you're probably right - - - but then I wouldn't have a siren."

Rolomac