Somebody tell a joke quick or this topic will soon drop off the page!!!

Rolomac

 

>A redneck family was visiting the city and they were in a mall for
>the first time in their life. The father and son were strolling
>around while the wife shopped. They were amazed by almost everything
>they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move
>apart and then slide back together again.
> >
> >The boy asked, "Paw, what's 'at?"
> >
> >The father (never having seen an elevator) responded, "Son, I
>dunno. I ain't never seen nothin' like that in my entire life. I
>ain't got no idea'r what it is."
> >
> >While the boy and his father were watching with amazement, a fat
>old lady in a wheel chair rolled up to the moving walls and pressed
>a button. The walls opened and the lady rolled between them into a
>small room. The walls closed and the boy and his father watched the
>small numbers above the walls light up sequentially. They continued
>to watch until it reached the last number and then the numbers began
>to light in the reverse order. Then the walls opened up again and a
>gorgeous, voluptuous 24-year-old blonde woman stepped out.
> >
> >The father, not taking his eyes off the young woman, said quietly
>to his son, "Boy, go git yer Momma...."

 

HAHAHAAHAHHAAHHAHAHAHAHHAHHAQ LMFAOOOOOOOOOO

 

lol, i know, i love that one, ill find some more

 

Three priests wentout fishing in the middle of a lake one day, the sun was beating down and all three were soon sweating. The first priest gets up and announces that he is extremely thirsty and steps out of the boat onto the water and walks to shore. The second priest gets up soon after and follows the first over for a drink. The third priest watches in amazement as both step across the lake. He says to himself, "They must have the blessing of god to walk across the water, so i must too" He steps out of the boat into the water and promptly starts to flounder around, both the first two priests hear the commotion and look around to see whats happening. They see the last priest hauling himself into the boat and shaking his head in wonder, and the first priest says to the second, "maybe we shoulda told him about the stepping stones" !!!1!1!!

i cant re-tell jokes very well but this was one o my favorites

 

How do you drown a blonde?
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put a scratch and sniff sticker on the bottom of the pool!!

 

Two Irish nuns have just arrived in Canada by boat and one says to the
other, "I hear that the people of this country actually eat dogs."
"Odd," her companion replies, "but if we shall live in Canada , wemight as well do as the Canadians do."
As they sit, they hear a push cart vendor yell "Get your dogs here" andthey both walk towards the hot dog cart.

"Two dogs, please! ," says one.

The vendor is very pleased to oblige, wraps both hot dogs in foil andhands them over.
Excited, the nuns hurry to a bench and begin to unwrap their 'dogs'.

The mother superior is first to open hers. She begins to blush andthen, staring at it for a moment, leans to the other Nun and whisperscautiously.

"What part did you get"?

 

Wow - - - I just heard on the news that there are no ice cubes in Poland. Seems that the only guy who knew the formula for making them died.

Rolomac

 

Lawyers should never ask a Mississippi grandma a question if they aren't prepared for the answer.

In a trial, a Southern small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness, a grandmotherly, elderly woman to the stand. He approached her and asked, 'Mrs. Jones, do you know me?' She responded, 'Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a boy, and frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, and you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you'll never amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you.'

The lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, 'Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?'

She again replied, 'Why yes, I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster, too. He's lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking problem. He can't build a normal relationship with anyone, and his law practice is one of the worst in the entire state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three different women. One of them was your wife. Yes, I know him.'

The defense attorney nearly died.

The judge asked both counselors to approach the bench and, in a very quiet voice, said,
'If either of you idiots asks her if she knows me, I'll send you both to the electric chair.'

 

it was entertainment night at the Senior Center. Claude the hypnotist
exclaimed: 'I'm here to put you into a trance; I intend to hypnotize each and
every member of the audience.'







The excitement was almost electric as Claude withdrew a beautiful antique pocket
watch from his coat. 'I want you each to keep your eye on this antique
watch
It's a very special watch. It's been in my family for six generations.'

He began to swing the watch gently back and forth while quietly chanting, 'Watch
the watch, watch the watch, and watch the watch.' The crowd became mesmerized
as the watch swayed back and forth, light gleaming off its polished surface.
Hundreds of pairs of eyes followed the swaying watch, until, suddenly, it
slipped from the hypnotist's fingers and fell to the floor, shattering into a
hundred pieces.'
'****' said th e Hypnotist.

It took three days to clean up the Senior Center. [/align][/align][/align][/align][/align][/align][/align][/align]