This one had me cracking up
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Joined: Jun 2007
Posts: 311
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RE: This one had me cracking up
Nice one Ron!
Looks like everyone I know is keeping with a "Poetry Theme" this Christmas.
'Twas the night before Christmas--Old Santa was pissed.
He cussed out the elves and threw down his list.
Miserable little brats, ungrateful little jerks.
I have a good mind to scrap the whole works!
I've busted my *** for damn near a year,
Instead of "Thanks Santa"--what do I hear?
The old lady bitches cause I work late at night.
The elves want more money--The reindeer all fight.
Rudolph got drunk and goosed all the maids.
Donner is pregnant and Vixen has AIDS.
And just when I thought that things would get better
Those ******** from the Tax Office sent me a letter,
They say I owe taxes--if that ain't damn funny
Who the hell ever sent Santa Claus money?
And the kids these days--they all are the pits
They want the impossible--Those mean little ****s
I spent a whole year making wagons and sleds
Assembling dolls...Their arms, legs and heads
I made a ton of yo yo's--No request for them,
They want computers and robots...they think I'm IBM!
Flying through the air...dodging the trees
Falling down chimneys and skinning my knees
I'm quitting this job there's just no enjoyment
I'll sit on my fat *** and draw unemployment..
There's no Christmas this year now you know the reason,
I found me a blonde. I'm going SOUTH for the season
Looks like everyone I know is keeping with a "Poetry Theme" this Christmas.
'Twas the night before Christmas--Old Santa was pissed.
He cussed out the elves and threw down his list.
Miserable little brats, ungrateful little jerks.
I have a good mind to scrap the whole works!
I've busted my *** for damn near a year,
Instead of "Thanks Santa"--what do I hear?
The old lady bitches cause I work late at night.
The elves want more money--The reindeer all fight.
Rudolph got drunk and goosed all the maids.
Donner is pregnant and Vixen has AIDS.
And just when I thought that things would get better
Those ******** from the Tax Office sent me a letter,
They say I owe taxes--if that ain't damn funny
Who the hell ever sent Santa Claus money?
And the kids these days--they all are the pits
They want the impossible--Those mean little ****s
I spent a whole year making wagons and sleds
Assembling dolls...Their arms, legs and heads
I made a ton of yo yo's--No request for them,
They want computers and robots...they think I'm IBM!
Flying through the air...dodging the trees
Falling down chimneys and skinning my knees
I'm quitting this job there's just no enjoyment
I'll sit on my fat *** and draw unemployment..
There's no Christmas this year now you know the reason,
I found me a blonde. I'm going SOUTH for the season
Joined: Jun 2007
Posts: 1,129
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RE: This one had me cracking up
There was this couple that had been married for 20 years.
Every time they made love the husband insisted on shutting off the light. Well, after 20 years the wife felt this was ridiculous.
She figured she would break him of this crazy habit. So one night, while they were in the middle of a wild, screaming, romantic session, she turned on the lights. She looked down and saw her husband was holding a battery-operated leisure device... A
vibrator! Soft, wonderful and larger than a real
one.
She went completely ballistic. "You impotent
bastard," she screamed at him, "How could you be lying to me all of these years? You better explain yourself!"
The husband looks her straight in the eyes and says calmly:
"I'll explain the toy . . You explain the3 kids."
Every time they made love the husband insisted on shutting off the light. Well, after 20 years the wife felt this was ridiculous.
She figured she would break him of this crazy habit. So one night, while they were in the middle of a wild, screaming, romantic session, she turned on the lights. She looked down and saw her husband was holding a battery-operated leisure device... A
vibrator! Soft, wonderful and larger than a real
one.
She went completely ballistic. "You impotent
bastard," she screamed at him, "How could you be lying to me all of these years? You better explain yourself!"
The husband looks her straight in the eyes and says calmly:
"I'll explain the toy . . You explain the3 kids."
Senior Member
Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 147
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From: Northern California (FAR Northern California)
RE: This one had me cracking up
Little blond girl came home from school and her mother asked how school was that day. She grinned and said, "I really fooled those boys today." Her mother asked, "What do you mean?" She replied, "Oh, those boys on the playground always dare me to climb the flagpole and I know they just want me to do it so they can look up my skirt and see my underwear. Well, today I really fooled them - - - I didn't wear any underwear."
Rolomac
Rolomac