At my college, a few writers have started a new magazine this semester. Our pilot issue will be coming in in a few months, and I've got my own rant/automotive column. I've just finished my first article, so I figured I'd post it here to see what kind of reaction I'd get from a car guy audience. Keep in mind it's targeting students in my area (CUNY CSI), but I think a lot applies to all drivers.

Automotive Annoyances

There are plenty of people on the roads of Staten Island that personally **** me off, and that’s what this article is about – highlighting some of the real jackasses out there.

We’ve all seen them, and we’ve all definitely heard them. Who am I talking about? You know the type – old Civic and Accords, sometimes Eclipses and Galants as well. They’ve got blaring stereos, but you have no idea what song is playing because the speakers exploded from the bass years ago. They’ve bought “bodykits,” but they haven’t had them painted, and they’re chipping from all the potholes on our crappy roads. Then there are the massive spoilers they put on the back – pointless, and usually about $80 from Pep Boys. Why are they pointless? Well, the purpose of a spoiler on a sports car is rear downforce, or basically to increase the grip the rear tires have. Trouble is, sports cars are rear- or all-wheel drive – mom’s Accord isn’t.

Then there is the party piece that everyone, regardless of the amount of interest one has in cars, knows – exhaust. You know the sound – a high-pitched buzzing. These people seem to think it makes their pieces of crap sound fast, but just about everyone laughs at them. Car enthusiasts such as myself have a field day with these people, and we mock them at every chance – those exhaust system are regarded as “fart cans” in the auto world due to the sound. If someone you know has a car like this, I assure you it’s perfectly natural and right to laugh at them. They’re small-minded anyway, they probably won’t even realize that their Civic won’t outrun even a Miata.

Next, SUVs. Now, don’t get me wrong, I don’t inherently hate SUVs. I simply hate that the drivers of these vehicles generally don’t have any concept of what driving a 3 ton (6000 pound) vehicle is – they take up more space than the family sedan or a compact. They can’t be driven in the same manner – no quick turns, sudden braking, or attempted races. Now, obviously, the big SUVs are the ones I’m talking about here – Tahoes, Land Cruisers, Commanders, Range Rovers, Escalades, etc. When you have such a massive machine, of course a large engine is needed to power the monstrosity - that’s simple chemistry. But 9MPG is unacceptable for any daily driver, especially when all that room goes to waste! If you drive around the island, how many people do you typically see in SUVs? One or two? They’re designed to seat 7, but how many people really use that space?

Then there are those real jackasses who buy SUVs with 4WD, thinking it’s safer – it’s not. Newsflash – an AWD or 4WD system is heavier that a traditional front-wheel drive system. And what does added weight mean? Longer stopping distances, and decreased fuel economy. AWD/4WD doesn’t save you in the rain and snow (in which heavy SUVs are terrible, by the way), only intelligent driving does. No amount of safety features will save someone who drives like an *******, and we’ve all seen plenty of those characters.

Speaking of people who can’t drive, how about those dumb****s who seemed compelled to cut you off on Hylan Blvd, Amboy Road, or really any road for no reason? They’re in the same category of people who intentionally take handicapped spaces and park in fire lanes – pure callous ********. What do they have to prove by cutting you off while you’re doing the speed limit? Maybe they get off on the “danger.” Every time I see some jackass pretending his car belonged in The Fast and the Furious, I let them go on their way, hoping they’ll learn a lesson after they hit a pole. And you know what? Once, I did actually see one of these morons crash. He didn’t get hurt, but he was shaken up – good. Maybe he’ll learn that aggressive driving in unsafe in more ways than one – you might crash, or you might just cut off the wrong person on the wrong day.

Drive safely, for everyone’s sake. If you want to drive fast and aggressively, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that – I’m a fan of it. But take it to a closed track, where you can’t hurt anyone. I hope this will convince some people to reevaluate their driving skills, and what they drive – if you drive a Civic, fine. Drive it like a Civic and get great gas mileage. If you have a sports car, drive it like one – on the track.

Take care of yourselves, and your cars.

 

You "hit the nail on the head" with this article.

 

the article is very true, but are you allowed to say such language in the school paper?

 

lol my thought, exactly.

 

Well, this is college. And I'm rather sure I can swear - we have an ultra-liberal polysci magazine on campus, The Third Rail. If they can sensationalize things and say "****" liberally in their articles, I think I can swear a bit too.

 

by the way i love how u blew up the hondas.. hahahahahha!!! eclipses on the other hand.. i love the early 4g63 platform cars...

 

Most Eclipses out here are 3rd gen though, so thos're the ones I'm talking about in the article.

 

oh ok.. yea.. those r chick cars.. not street machines nemore.. so its okRANT AWAY!!

 

You didn't even touch on cell phone users WTF! (good read though, and true)

 

There are lots of things I want to touch on, but I was keeping in mind that there will be later issues.