RE: This one had me cracking up
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RE: This one had me cracking up - 6/27/2007 5:35:29 AM
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cl8ton
Posts: 240
Joined: 6/1/2007
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I was getting worried!!! Didn't receive a joke all day yesterday BUT my buddies came through today. Enjoy!
A man and a woman were sitting beside each other in the first class section of an airplane.The woman sneezed, took out a tissue, gently wiped her nose, then visibly shuddered for ten to fifteen seconds. The man went back to his reading. A few minutes later, the woman sneezed again, took a tissue, wiped her nose, then shuddered violently once more.Assuming that the woman might have a cold, the man was still curious about the shuddering. A few more minutes passed when the woman sneezed yet again. As before she took a tissue, wiped her nose, her body shaking even more than before.
Unable to restrain his curiosity, the man turned to the woman, "I couldn't help but notice" he said, "that you've sneezed three times, wiped your nose and then shuddered violently. Are you ok?"
"I am sorry if I disturbed you," she replied. "I have a very rare medical condition; whenever I sneeze I have an orgasm."
The man, more than a bit embarrassed, was still curious. "I have never heard of that condition before" he said. "Are you taking anything for it?"
The woman nodded, "Black Pepper."
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RE: This one had me cracking up - 6/27/2007 2:19:33 PM
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rolomac
Posts: 119
Joined: 7/17/2005
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A beautiful blonde took her old Mazda to the dealership to see if they could help her. The car was running bad - misfiring, backfiring, hard starting and so on. The mechanic listened to her conplaints and went to work. In a very short time he had the car purring like a kitten. "That's wonderful," said the blond, "What's the report?" The mechanic wiped his hands on his grease rag and said, "Crap in the carburetor." "OK," said the blonde, "how often should I do that?"
Rolomac
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RE: This one had me cracking up - 6/27/2007 8:02:11 PM
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wsoape281
Posts: 1007
Joined: 3/1/2007
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a blonde went to a body shop to get a dent pulled out of her car. the man there, seeing that she was blonde, decided to have a little fun with her. he told her that all she needed to do is blow really hard into the exhaust pipe and it will pop out. so she went home and tried it with no luck. her friend came by and asked what she was doing. she told her and her friend said, "You idiot, you have to roll the windows up first."
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RE: This one had me cracking up - 6/27/2007 8:08:18 PM
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wsoape281
Posts: 1007
Joined: 3/1/2007
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a state trooper pulled over a car of older people that were doing 22 mph on the freeway. he approached the car and everyone there looked very shook up. he asked the driver why they were going so slow and he said, "the sign says 22 so i was going 22, right? i wasn't speeding." the officer laughed and said, "that is the route number, not the speed limit. the speed limit through here is 60 mph. i'm just going to give you a warning, but before i go, you all look shaken up. Is there anything that i can do?" the man replies, "They will be fine in a few minutes. we just got off of route 125."
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RE: This one had me cracking up - 6/28/2007 5:29:03 AM
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cl8ton
Posts: 240
Joined: 6/1/2007
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I Like It! 
A man and his wife were sitting at a table at his high school reunion, and he kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table.
His wife asked him, "Do you know her?"
"Yes," he sighed, "She was my old girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn't
been sober since."
"My word!" said his wife, "Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?"
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RE: This one had me cracking up - 7/4/2007 11:52:22 PM
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RJB_M6
Posts: 270
Joined: 3/13/2006
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The Sensitive Man
A woman meets a man in a bar. They talk; they connect; they end up leaving together. They get back to his place, and as he shows her around his apartment, she notices that one wall of his bedroom is completely filled with soft, sweet, cuddly teddy
bears.
There are three shelves in the bedroom with hundreds and hundreds of cute, cuddly teddy bears, carefully placed in rows covering the entire wall! It was obvious that he had taken quite some time to lovingly arrange them and she was immediately touched by the amount of thought he had put into organizing the display. There were small bears all along the bottom shelf, medium-sized bears covering the length of the middle shelf, and huge, enormous bears running all the way along the top shelf. She found it strange for an obviously masculine guy to have such a large a collection of Teddy Bears, but doesn't mention this to him, and actually is quite impressed by his sensitive side.
They share a bottle of wine and continue talking and, after a while, she finds herself thinking, "Oh my God! Maybe, this guy could be the one! Maybe he could be the future father my children?" She turns to him and kisses him lightly on the lips. He
responds warmly.
They continue to kiss, the passion builds, and he romantically lifts her in his arms and carries her into his bedroom where they rip off each other's
clothes and make hot, steamy love.
She is so overwhelmed that she responds with more passion, more creativity, more heat than she has ever known, and even did a few things she had never
done with any other man.
After an intense, explosive night of raw passion with this sensitive guy, they are lying there together in the afterglow. The woman rolls over, gently strokes his chest and asks coyly, "Well, how was it?" The guy gently smiles at her, strokes her cheek, looks deeply into her eyes, and says......................
"Help yourself to any prize from the middle shelf!"
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2006 Mazda 6s Lapis Blue Metallic
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RE: This one had me cracking up - 7/4/2007 11:53:48 PM
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RJB_M6
Posts: 270
Joined: 3/13/2006
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This might have been posted already, but I like it so I am posting it now lol.
A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam "Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury, illness or a death in your immediate family, but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!"
A smart-ass guy in the back of the room raises his hand and asked, "What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?" The entire class is reduced to laughter and snickering. When silence is restored, the teacher smiles at the student, shakes her head and sweetly says, "Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam with your other hand."
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2006 Mazda 6s Lapis Blue Metallic
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RE: This one had me cracking up - 7/5/2007 12:05:23 AM
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RJB_M6
Posts: 270
Joined: 3/13/2006
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why do midgets laugh when they play soccer?
because the grass tickles their balls.
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2006 Mazda 6s Lapis Blue Metallic
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RE: This one had me cracking up - 7/9/2007 9:36:25 AM
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cl8ton
Posts: 240
Joined: 6/1/2007
Status: offline
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Back from a weeks holidays and this is all that was in my mailbox. Enjoy!
A stranger was seated next to a little girl on an airplane when the stranger turned to her and said, "Let's talk. I've heard that flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger."
The little girl, who had just opened her book, closed it slowly and said to the stranger, "What would you like to talk about?"
"Oh, I don't know", said the stranger; how about nuclear power?"
"OK," she said. "That could be an interesting topic. But let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat grass, the same stuff. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, and a horse produces clumps of dried grass. Why do you suppose that is?"
The stranger thinks about it and says, "Hmmm, I have no idea,"
To which the little girl replies, "Do you really feel qualified to discuss nuclear power when you don't know shit?"
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RE: This one had me cracking up - 7/9/2007 10:01:36 AM
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babyhuey
Posts: 2759
Joined: 7/28/2005
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How about a little church humor?!?!
One day Mrs. Jones went to have a talk with the minister at the local church. "Reverend," she said, "I have a problem, my husband keeps falling asleep during your sermons. It's very embarrassing. What should I do?"
"I have an idea," said the minister. "Take this hatpin with you. I will be able to tell when Mr. Jones is sleeping, and I will motion to you at specific times. When I motion, you give him a good poke in the leg."
In church the following Sunday, Mr. Jones dozed off. Noticing this, the preacher put his plan to work. "And who made the ultimate sacrifice for you?" he said, nodding to Mrs. Jones.
"Jesus!", Jones cried as his wife jabbed him the leg with the hatpin.
"Yes, you are right, Mr. Jones," said the minister. Soon, Mr. Jones nodded off again. Again, the minister noticed. "Who is your redeemer?" he asked the congregation, motioning towards Mrs. Jones.
"God!" Mr. Jones cried out as he was stuck again with the hatpin.
"Right again," said the minister, smiling. Before long, Mr. Jones again winked off. However, this time the minister did not notice. As he picked up the tempo of his sermon, he made a few motions that Mrs. Jones mistook as signals to bayonet her husband with the hatpin again.
The minister asked, "And what did Eve say to Adam after she bore him his 99th son?"
Mrs. Jones poked her husband, who yelled, "You stick that goddamned thing in me one more time and I'll break it in half and shove it up your ass!"
"Amen," replied the congregation.
< Message edited by babyhuey -- 7/9/2007 10:24:55 AM >
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