RE: This one had me cracking up (Full Version)

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RE: This one had me cracking up

  

rolomac -> RE: This one had me cracking up (9/6/2008 1:33:31 PM)

Saturday morning I got up early, dressed quietly, made my lunch, grabbed the dog, slipped quietly into the garage to hook the boat up to  the truck, and proceeded to back out into a torrential down pour.
    
    The wind was blowing 50 mph. I pulled back into the garage,  turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad  throughout the day. I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and
slipped back into bed.
    
    There I cuddled up to my wife''s back, now with a different anticipation, and whispered, ''The weather out there is terrible.''
    
    My loving wife of 20 yrs replied, ''Can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that ?''
    
    I still don''t know if she was joking.
 
Rolomac

 

  
cl8ton -> RE: This one had me cracking up (9/11/2008 12:31:37 PM)

A man walked into the produce section of his local supermarket, and
asked to buy half a head of lettuce. The boy working in that department
told him that they only sold whole heads of lettuce. The man was
insistent that the boy asks his manager about the matter.

Walking into the back room, the boy said to the manager, ''Some ass hole
wants to buy half a head of lettuce.'' As he finished his sentence, he
turned to find the man standing right behind him, so he added, ''and this
gentleman kindly offered to buy the other half.''

The manager approved the deal, and the man went on his way. Later the
manager said to the boy, ''I was impressed with the way you got yourself
out of that situation earlier. We like people who think on their feet
here. Where are you from son?''

''Canada, sir,'' The boy replied.

''Well, why did you leave Canada?'' The manager asked.

The boy said, ''Sir, there''s nothing but whores and hockey players up
there.''

''Really,'' replied the manager? ''My wife is from Canada!''

''Get outta here!!!'' replied the boy.   ''Who''d she play for?''



6vroom6 -> RE: This one had me cracking up (9/12/2008 9:35:16 AM)

more cop pics

[image]local://upfiles/18685/6DADC3762ED24A06A155F4D45F52BC2A.jpg[/image]

[image]local://upfiles/18685/8F85656C4BCD4F61B6EA2CBD7A1F7643.jpg[/image]

[image]local://upfiles/18685/86305FB6B4D44FA88F48D7039B3E54EB.jpg[/image]

[image]local://upfiles/18685/65EF463DE0164E8CB46BB866A2ACD693.jpg[/image]

rolomac -> RE: This one had me cracking up (9/18/2008 1:29:29 PM)

  
A Minneapolis couple decided to go to Florida to thaw out during a
particularly icy winter. They planned to stay at the same hotel where
they spent their honeymoon 20 years earlier. 
            Because of hectic schedules, it was difficult to coordinate their
travel schedules, so the husband left Minnesota and flew to Florida on
Thursday, with his wife flying down the following day.
The husband checked into the hotel. There was a computer in his room, so
he decided to send an email to his wife. However, he accidentally left
out one letter in her email address, and without realizing his error,
sent the email.
           Meanwhile, somewhere in Houston, a widow had just returned home from
her husband''s funeral. He was a minister who was called home to glory
following a heart attack.
           The widow decided to check her email expecting messages from relatives
and friends. After reading the first message, she screamed and fainted.
The widow''s son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and
saw the computer screen which read: 

           My darling wife,
I know that you are probably very surprised to hear from me but I was pleased to learn
that they now have computers here for everybody to use.  I had a very un-eventful time
on my trip here; everything went very smoothly.  I hope you are able to get all of the loose ends tied up before you come to join me and that your trip is as pleasant as mine was.  Looking forward to seeing you on Friday.

            your loving husband

ps - it''s hotter than the dickens down here

rolomac -> RE: This one had me cracking up (9/30/2008 1:29:38 PM)

My cousin Bubba took a trip to Spain and while he was there took in a bullfight, which he said was exciting and interesting.  After the event he was walking back to his hotel and passed a restaurant that had wonderful smells coming out of the door.  Since he had missed lunch he decided to stop in to have a bite.  As the waiter was seating him he passed a table where another diner was just being served a delicious looking platter with two large sauce covered meat balls.  He asked the waiter about this and was told that it was bull''s testicles from the bullfight that day.  Well Bubba is adventurous so said he''d try that too.  When his meal was served Bubba was delighted to find that it was absolutely delicious. 

Next day Bubba was still remembering that great meal and since he only had a short time left in Spain decided he''d go back to that restaurant and have it again.  He walked in and was seated and the waiter remembered him from the day before.  Bubba reminded the waiter what he''d had the day before and asked for it again.  However, this time when the platter was put before him the meat balls were much smaller.  Bubba pointed this out to the waiter who simply shrugged and said, "Si, senor, sometimes the bull wins."

rolomac -> RE: This one had me cracking up (10/13/2008 1:14:05 PM)

Hate to see this topic slip off the page - - - I get some great jokes here - - - so here is a quick one to keep it front and center - - -

An elegant lady poked her head inside the door of a barber shop and asked, "Bob Peters here?"   Without missing a snip the barber replied, "No ma''am, just shaves and haircuts."

Rolomac

zoomzoom6chick -> RE: This one had me cracking up (10/22/2008 7:49:23 AM)

Heres a couple...not super funny but made me laugh.

FOOTBALL AND THE BLOND......

Football FINALLY makes sense..........

A guy took his blond girlfriend to her first football game. They had great seats
right behind their team''''s bench. After the game, he asked her how she liked the
experience.

''''Oh, I really liked it,'''' she replied, ''''especially the tight pants and all the big
muscles, but I just couldn''''t understand why they were killing each other over 25
cents.''''

Dumbfounded, her date asked, ''''What do you mean?''''

''''Well, they flipped a coin, one team got it and then for the rest of the game, all
they kept screamin g was: ''''Get the quarterback! Get the quarterback!'''' I''''m
like...Helloooooo? It''''s only 25 cents!"



___________________________________________________________

Jack wakes up with a huge hangover after attending his company''''s party. Jack is not normally a drinker, but the drinks didn''''t taste like alcohol at all. He didn''''t even remember how he got home from the party. As bad as he was feeling, he wondered if he did something wrong. Jack had to force himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins next to a glass of water on the side table. And, next to them, a single red rose !!

Jack sits up and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed. He looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order, spotlessly clean. So is the rest of the house. He takes the aspirins, cringes when he sees a huge black eye staring back at him in the bathroom mirror. Then he notices a note hanging on the corner of the mirror written in red with little hearts on it and a kiss mark from his wife in lipstick: ''''Honey, breakfast is on the stove, I left early to get groceries to make you your favorite dinner tonight. I love you, darling! Love, Jillian'''' He stumbles to the kitchen and sure enough, there is hot breakfast, steaming hot coffee and the morning newspaper. His 16 year old son is also at the table, eating. Jack asks, ''''Son, what happened last night?''''

''''Well, you came home after 3 A.M., drunk and out of your mind you fell over the coffee table and broke it, and then you puked in the hallway, and got that black eye when you ran into the door.''''

Confused, he asked his son, ''''So why is everything in such perfect order and so clean? I have a rose, and breakfast is on the table waiting for me??''''

His son replies, ''''Oh THAT... Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to take your pants off, you screamed, ''''Leave me alone bitch, I''''m married!!''''

Broken Coffee Table $239.99
Hot Breakfast $4.20
Two Aspirins $.38
Saying the right thing, at the right time: PRICELESS!

bankhead -> RE: This one had me cracking up (10/22/2008 2:15:05 PM)

The football game/ girlfriend joke had me instantly picturing this dumb LA girl I know! lol

zoomzoom6chick -> RE: This one had me cracking up (10/23/2008 7:05:59 AM)

A young woman was pulled over for speeding. As the motorcycle officer walked to her car window, flipping open his ticket book, she smiled and said, "I bet you''re going to sell me a ticket to the Highway Patrolmen''s Ball."

Giving her a stern look, he replied, "Highway Patrolmen don''t have balls."

There was a moment of silence while she continued to smile and tried not to laugh. Realizing what he''d just said, he closed his book, got back on his motorcycle and left without saying another word. The women broke down and laughed so hard it was another 10 minutes before she could pull herself together and start her car.

Vroom_Vroom84 -> RE: This one had me cracking up (10/23/2008 11:54:01 AM)

while we''re on the topic of funny...has anyone seen the Best Man Fail video on failblog.org?  It''s hilarious.



  

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