RE: This one had me cracking up
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RE: This one had me cracking up - 4/10/2008 8:44:01 AM
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cl8ton
Posts: 240
Joined: 6/1/2007
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An elderly couple, who were both widowed, had been going out with each other for a long time.
Urged on by their friends, they decided it was finally time to get married.
Before the wedding, they went out to dinner and had a long conversation regarding how their marriage might work.
They discussed finances, living arrangements and so on. Finally, the old gentleman decided it was time to broach the subject of their physical relationship.
"How do you feel about sex?" he asked, rather trustingly.
"Well," she said, responding very carefully, "I'd have to say, I would like it infrequently."
The old gentleman sat quietly for a moment then, looking over his glasses, casually asked, "Is that one word or two?"
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RE: This one had me cracking up - 4/10/2008 9:50:57 AM
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jaimie08mazda3
Posts: 2057
Joined: 8/25/2007
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LOLLLLLLLLL. i like that cinderella one. thats hillarious. i swear to god
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2008 mazda3 GS 5spd
Jaimie08mazda3:ricing out a 4 door integra is stupid
Virgin1: and how many doors does your mazda3 have
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RE: This one had me cracking up - 4/10/2008 1:08:00 PM
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rolomac
Posts: 119
Joined: 7/17/2005
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The firemen at the local station had the hook and ladder truck out in the sunshine giving it a wash job. One of them happened to notice that they were being watched by the little girl who lived just down the block. She had on her toy fireman's helmet, a raincoat and rain boots and had her red wagon hooked up to her dog and her cat to pull it. Amused at how cute this looked the firemen all gathered around and complimented her on her equipment. Then one of them noticed that the wagon was hitched to be pulled by a rope hooked to the dog's collar and another to the cat's testicles. One of the firemen said, "Honey, you might be able to go faster if you had both your dog and your cat hooked up to their collars." The little girl thought about it for a moment and then answered, "Yes, you're probably right - - - but then I wouldn't have a siren."
Rolomac
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RE: This one had me cracking up - 4/11/2008 5:18:16 AM
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cl8ton
Posts: 240
Joined: 6/1/2007
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Laughing Doctor -
The Doctor replied 'Of Course I won't laugh, I'm a professional. In over twenty
Years I've never laughed at a patient.' 'Okay then,' Bob said, and proceeded to drop his trousers, revealing
The tiniest 'whoo-ha' the doctor had ever seen. It Couldn't have been bigger than the size of a AAA
Battery. Unable to control himself, the doctor started Giggling, then fell laughing to the floor. Ten minutes later
He was able to struggle to his feet and regain his Composure. 'I'm so sorry,' said the doctor. 'I really am.
I don't know what came over me. On my honor as a doctor And a gentleman, I promise it won't happen again. Now,
What seems to be the problem?'
'It's swollen,' Bob replied.
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RE: This one had me cracking up - 4/26/2008 1:11:56 PM
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rolomac
Posts: 119
Joined: 7/17/2005
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A lady went into the pharmacy and asked the pharmacist for a bottle of arsenic so she could kill her husband. The pharmacist was shocked and said, "Lady I'm sorry, but you can't just come in and ask for arsenic like that." The lady didn't say anything in response but simply handed the pharmacist a photograph. He took one look and was shocked again - - - it was a picture of his own wife in a very revealing pose with the lady's husband. "Oh, well," he said, I didn't realize that you have a prescription.
Rolomac
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RE: This one had me cracking up - 5/3/2008 1:32:12 PM
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rolomac
Posts: 119
Joined: 7/17/2005
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A bank robber stepped into a branch bank at the height of the rush hour. He stepped up to a window, pointed his gun, and told the teller "Give me all of your money." The terrified teller did as she was told. An elderly lady in line at the next window was outraged. "You've got a lot of nerve," she said, "holding up a bank in broad daylight in front of all of these witnesses".
The robber turned to her and said, "Did you see me rob this bank?"
"Of course I did," she said. The robber shot her dead.
He then turned to the man next in line and said, "Did you see me rob this bank?"
"Absolutely not," said the man, "but my wife did."
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RE: This one had me cracking up - 5/5/2008 1:35:45 PM
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cl8ton
Posts: 240
Joined: 6/1/2007
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SNOTTY RECEPTIONIST
An older gentleman had an appointment to see the urologist who
shared offices with several other doctors. The waiting room was filled
with patients.
As he approached the receptionist desk he noticed that the
receptionist was a large unfriendly woman who looked like a Sumo
wrestler. He gave her his name.
In a very loud voice, the receptionist said, 'YES, I HAVE YOUR
NAME HERE; YOU WANT TO SEE THE DOCTOR ABOUT IMPOTENCE, RIGHT?'
All the patients in the waiting room snapped their heads around
to look at the very embarrassed man.
He recovered quickly, and in an equally loud voice replied, 'NO,
I'VE COME TO INQUIRE ABOUT A SEX CHANGE OPERATION, BUT I DON'T WANT THE
SAME DOCTOR THAT DID YOURS.'
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RE: This one had me cracking up - 5/5/2008 1:36:42 PM
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cl8ton
Posts: 240
Joined: 6/1/2007
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Heather Mills-McCartney was being driven around the countryside in her
limo.
Suddenly a cow walked into the road and, unable to stop in time, the limo
hit the cow.
Slightly shaken up, the driver went to see if the cow was alright.
'Is it alright?' asked Heather . The driver prodded the cow with his
foot and shook his head.
'No ma'am, it's dead.'
'Well you were driving, so you can go tell the farmer what happened!' So
the driver went off to the nearby farm.
A couple of hours later he came back holding a bottle of wine, his
clothes scruffy and messed up.
'Oh my god, what happened to you?' Heather exclaimed.
'Well ma'am,' explained the driver, 'the farmer gave me this bottle of
wine, the farmer's wife gave a kiss and their daughter made love to me.'
'Just what the hell did you say to them?'
'I'm Heather Mills-McCartney's driver and I've just killed the cow.
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RE: This one had me cracking up - 5/7/2008 6:11:14 AM
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cl8ton
Posts: 240
Joined: 6/1/2007
Status: offline
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Biology Class
Students in an advanced Biology class were taking their mid-term
exam.
The last question was, 'Name seven advantages of Mother's Milk, worth
70 points or none at all.
One student , in particular, was hard put to think of seven
advantages.
He wrote:
1. ) It is perfect formula for the child.
2.) It provides immunity against several diseases.
3.) It is always the right temperature.
4.) It is inexpensive.
5.) It bonds the child to mother, and vice versa.
6.) It is always available as needed.
And then, the student was stuck. Finally, in desperation, just before
the bell indicating the end of the test rang, he wrote...
7.) It comes in cute containers.
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RE: This one had me cracking up - 5/7/2008 1:11:08 PM
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rolomac
Posts: 119
Joined: 7/17/2005
Status: offline
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Don't interrupt!
Little Johnny watched his daddy's car pass by the
school playground and go into the woods. Curious, he followed the car and saw
Daddy and Auntie Jane in a passionate embrace.
Little Johnny found this so exciting that he could hardly contain himself as he
ran home and started to tell his mother. 'Mummy, I was in the playground and I
saw Daddy's car go into the woods with Auntie Jane. I went back to look and he
was giving Auntie Jane a big kiss, and then he helped her take off her shirt.
Then Auntie Jane helped Daddy take his pants off, then Auntie Jane......'At
this point Mummy cut him off and said, 'Johnny, this is such an interesting
story, suppose you save the rest of it for supper time. I want to see the look
on Daddy's face when you tell it tonight.'
At the dinner table that evening, Mummy asked little Johnny to tell his story.
Johnny started his story, 'I was at the playground and I saw Daddy's car go
into the woods with Auntie Jane. I went to look and he was giving Auntie Jane a
big kiss, then he helped her take off her shirt. Then Auntie Jane helped Daddy
take his pants off, and then Auntie Jane and Daddy started doing the same thing
that Mummy and Uncle Bill used to do when Daddy was in the Army.'
Mummy fainted!
Moral: Sometimes you need to listen to the whole story before you interrupt! Rolomac
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