RE: This one had me cracking up

Mazda Forum Mazda Classifieds Photo Gallery Member List Search Contact Us Sponsors
Models Mazda News Mazda Recalls TSBs Timeslips Register Login

RE: This one had me cracking up

Printable Version

Mazda Forums >> General Mazda Forums >> Off Topic >> RE: This one had me cracking up

Page: << < prev 1 2 [3] 4 5 next > >>

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

RE: This one had me cracking up - 5/6/2007 8:07:56 PM

wsoape281

Posts: 1007
Joined: 3/1/2007
Status: offline

A guy walks into a bar with an octopus under his arm. He sets the octopus on a stool next to him and announces: "This is an amazing octopus. I'll bet anyone in this bar $50 that this octopus can play any instrument set in front of it."

None of the people could believe this, so one guy brought up a guitar. The octopus took hold of the guitar and started picking away, better than Jimi Hendrix. The man took $50 from the guitarist. Next someone brings up a trumpet. The octopus started playing the trumpet, better than Herb Alpert. The man won another $50 from the trumpeter. Then some guy brought up some bagpipes. The octopus picked up the bagpipes for a minute and, looking a little puzzled, set them down again.

"Can't you play the bagpipes?" asked the man. "Play it?" said the octopus, "I'm gonna screw it as soon as I figure out how to get its pajamas off."

(in reply to wsoape281)

Post #: 21

RE: This one had me cracking up - 5/8/2007 5:54:53 PM

87 turbo II

Posts: 1692
Joined: 3/25/2006
From: Atlanta Georgia
Status: offline

lol!

_____________________________

(in reply to wsoape281)

Post #: 22

RE: This one had me cracking up - 5/9/2007 3:03:43 PM

rolomac

Posts: 119
Joined: 7/17/2005
Status: offline

My cousin Bob has been a flasher for years. He recently began to feel that he had been a flasher for long enough and decided to retire. Then he sat down and thought about it for a while and decided that he would just stick it out a while longer.
gotcha

(in reply to 87 turbo II)

Post #: 23

RE: This one had me cracking up - 5/11/2007 3:24:36 PM

zmanzke

Posts: 53
Joined: 4/21/2007
Status: offline

There's three old ladies sitting on a park bench, all of a sudden, a flasher walks up and flashes them! The first old lady has a stroke, the second old lady has a stroke. The third old lady couldn't quite reach.

(in reply to rolomac)

Post #: 24

RE: This one had me cracking up - 5/11/2007 9:36:17 PM

87 turbo II

Posts: 1692
Joined: 3/25/2006
From: Atlanta Georgia
Status: offline

read this joke aloud or else it won't be funny.

A 90 year old woman in a retirement home decides she wants to get a man in her life. She is a little senile and has a strange plan to lure in men. She goes to a room full of 90 year old men and lifter her skirt saying "SUPER PUSSY!" All of them have a strike and die. She goes to a room of 80 year old men flashes them saying "SUPER PUSSY" and they all have heart attacks and die. She goes to a 70 year old man flashs him saying "SUPER PUSSY?" and he replies "I'll have the soup."

_____________________________

(in reply to zmanzke)

Post #: 25

RE: This one had me cracking up - 5/23/2007 12:52:26 AM

ThisLife

Posts: 3
Joined: 5/16/2007
Status: offline

Those were funny jokes! I liked the one about the blonde better. But the one that gets the prize is the cop car!

________________
Drew
Mazdaspeed Performance Accessories - Mazdaspeed Performance Accessories Catalog by Mazda USA

(in reply to babyhuey)

Post #: 26

RE: This one had me cracking up - 5/25/2007 8:34:57 PM

mazbee

Posts: 66
Joined: 5/25/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: babyhuey

She told me we couldn't afford beer anymore and that i would have to quit.

Then I caught her spending $65 for makeup.

I asked her how come I had to give up stuff and she didn't.

She said she needed the makeup to look pretty for me.

I told her that was what the beer was for.

I don't think she's coming back.......

That's a nice one!

(in reply to babyhuey)

Post #: 27

RE: This one had me cracking up - 5/25/2007 8:43:42 PM

mazbee

Posts: 66
Joined: 5/25/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: babyhuey

Now that was very funny wsoape281!!!!!!!!!! What a way to go.

Could not think of any other liquor ones right off so here goes.

Three men who were lost in the forest were captured by cannibals. The cannibal king told the prisoners that they could live if they could pass one trial. The first step of the trial was to go to the forest and gather ten pieces of the same kind of fruit. So all three men went separate ways to gather fruits.

The first one came back and said to the king. " I have brought ten apples to you." The king then explained the trial to him. "You have to shove the fruits up your butt one at a time without any expression on your face or you will be killed and eaten."

The first apple went in...but on the second one he winced out in pain, so he was killed and put in the pot.

The second guy arrives and showed the king ten berries. When the king explained the trial to him he thought to himself that this should be easy. 1...2...3...4...5...6...7...8.. and on the ninth berry he burst out in laughter and was killed.

The first guy and the second guy met in heaven. The first one asked, "Why did you laugh, you almost got away with it?" The second guy replied, "I couldn't help it, I saw the third guy coming with pineapples."

That was the best joke I've ever heard!

(in reply to babyhuey)

Post #: 28

RE: This one had me cracking up - 5/25/2007 8:48:50 PM

mazbee

Posts: 66
Joined: 5/25/2007
Status: offline

Police are warning all men who frequent clubs, parties and local pubs to be
on alert and stay cautious when offered a drink from any woman.
Many females use a date rape drug on the market called "Beer." The drug is
found in liquid form and is available anywhere. It comes in bottles, cans,
from taps and in large "kegs". Beer is used by female sexual predators at
parties and bars to persuade their male victims to go home and have sex
with them.
A woman needs only to get a guy to consume a few units of Beer and then
simply ask him home for no strings attached sex. Men are rendered helpless
against this approach.
After several Beers, men will often succumb to the desires to perform
sexual acts on horrific looking women whom they would never normally be
attracted. After drinking Beer, men often awaken with only hazy memories of
exactly what happened to them the night before, often with just a vague
feeling that "some thing bad" occurred. At other times these unfortunate
men are swindled out of their life's savings, in a familiar scam known as
"a relationship." In extreme cases, the female may even be shrewd enough to
entrap the unsuspecting male into a longer term form of servitude and
punishment referred to as "marriage."
Men are much more susceptible to this scam after Beer is administered and
sex is offered by the predatory females.
Please! Forward this warning to every male you know. If you fall victim to
this "Beer" scam and the women administering it, there are male support
groups where you can discuss the details of your shocking encounter with
similarly victimized men. For the support group nearest you, just look up
"Golf Courses" in the phone book.

(in reply to mazbee)

Post #: 29

RE: This one had me cracking up - 5/28/2007 4:32:52 PM

wsoape281

Posts: 1007
Joined: 3/1/2007
Status: offline

a blonde walks into a bar, sits down and tells the bartender, "here's the deal. i just moved here to go to college and i left behind two sisters who i used to go out and party with once a week. so i am going to come in here every thursday and order three margaritas. i am going to sit here and drink them and leave so it will be like we are all three back together partying. i want all three at once." so the bartender agrees and serves her the three margaritas. she drinks a little out of each until they are all empty, then tips and leaves. this goes on for several weeks until one day she comes in and only orders two margaritas. the bartender automatically assumes the worst and serves her two margaritas with kind of a long face. he lets her drink a little, then comes to offer his condolences. she says, "what are you talking about? i didn't lose a sister, i just quit drinking."

(in reply to zmanzke)

Post #: 30