Automotive Annoyances

At my college, a few writers have started a new magazine this semester. Our pilot issue will be coming in in a few months, and I've got my own rant/automotive column. I've just finished my first article, so I figured I'd post it here to see what kind of reaction I'd get from a car guy audience. Keep in mind it's targeting students in my area (CUNY CSI), but I think a lot applies to all drivers.

Automotive Annoyances

There are plenty of people on the roads of Staten Island that personally piss me off, and that’s what this article is about – highlighting some of the real jackasses out there.

We’ve all seen them, and we’ve all definitely heard them. Who am I talking about? You know the type – old Civic and Accords, sometimes Eclipses and Galants as well. They’ve got blaring stereos, but you have no idea what song is playing because the speakers exploded from the bass years ago. They’ve bought “bodykits,” but they haven’t had them painted, and they’re chipping from all the potholes on our crappy roads. Then there are the massive spoilers they put on the back – pointless, and usually about $80 from Pep Boys. Why are they pointless? Well, the purpose of a spoiler on a sports car is rear downforce, or basically to increase the grip the rear tires have. Trouble is, sports cars are rear- or all-wheel drive – mom’s Accord isn’t.

Then there is the party piece that everyone, regardless of the amount of interest one has in cars, knows – exhaust. You know the sound – a high-pitched buzzing. These people seem to think it makes their pieces of crap sound fast, but just about everyone laughs at them. Car enthusiasts such as myself have a field day with these people, and we mock them at every chance – those exhaust system are regarded as “fart cans” in the auto world due to the sound. If someone you know has a car like this, I assure you it’s perfectly natural and right to laugh at them. They’re small-minded anyway, they probably won’t even realize that their Civic won’t outrun even a Miata.

Next, SUVs. Now, don’t get me wrong, I don’t inherently hate SUVs. I simply hate that the drivers of these vehicles generally don’t have any concept of what driving a 3 ton (6000 pound) vehicle is – they take up more space than the family sedan or a compact. They can’t be driven in the same manner – no quick turns, sudden braking, or attempted races. Now, obviously, the big SUVs are the ones I’m talking about here – Tahoes, Land Cruisers, Commanders, Range Rovers, Escalades, etc. When you have such a massive machine, of course a large engine is needed to power the monstrosity - that’s simple chemistry. But 9MPG is unacceptable for any daily driver, especially when all that room goes to waste! If you drive around the island, how many people do you typically see in SUVs? One or two? They’re designed to seat 7, but how many people really use that space?

Then there are those real jackasses who buy SUVs with 4WD, thinking it’s safer – it’s not. Newsflash – an AWD or 4WD system is heavier that a traditional front-wheel drive system. And what does added weight mean? Longer stopping distances, and decreased fuel economy. AWD/4WD doesn’t save you in the rain and snow (in which heavy SUVs are terrible, by the way), only intelligent driving does. No amount of safety features will save someone who drives like an asshole, and we’ve all seen plenty of those characters.

Speaking of people who can’t drive, how about those dumbshits who seemed compelled to cut you off on Hylan Blvd, Amboy Road, or really any road for no reason? They’re in the same category of people who intentionally take handicapped spaces and park in fire lanes – pure callous assholes. What do they have to prove by cutting you off while you’re doing the speed limit? Maybe they get off on the “danger.” Every time I see some jackass pretending his car belonged in The Fast and the Furious, I let them go on their way, hoping they’ll learn a lesson after they hit a pole. And you know what? Once, I did actually see one of these morons crash. He didn’t get hurt, but he was shaken up – good. Maybe he’ll learn that aggressive driving in unsafe in more ways than one – you might crash, or you might just cut off the wrong person on the wrong day.

Drive safely, for everyone’s sake. If you want to drive fast and aggressively, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that – I’m a fan of it. But take it to a closed track, where you can’t hurt anyone. I hope this will convince some people to reevaluate their driving skills, and what they drive – if you drive a Civic, fine. Drive it like a Civic and get great gas mileage. If you have a sports car, drive it like one – on the track.

Take care of yourselves, and your cars.

You "hit the nail on the head" with this article.

the article is very true, but are you allowed to say such language in the school paper?

lol my thought, exactly.

quote:

ORIGINAL: TGM_6


the article is very true, but are you allowed to say such language in the school paper?

Well, this is college. And I'm rather sure I can swear - we have an ultra-liberal polysci magazine on campus, The Third Rail. If they can sensationalize things and say "fuck" liberally in their articles, I think I can swear a bit too.

by the way i love how u blew up the hondas.. hahahahahha!!! eclipses on the other hand.. i love the early 4g63 platform cars...

quote:

ORIGINAL: SPeeDy3

by the way i love how u blew up the hondas.. hahahahahha!!! eclipses on the other hand.. i love the early 4g63 platform cars...

Most Eclipses out here are 3rd gen though, so thos're the ones I'm talking about in the article.

oh ok.. yea.. those r chick cars.. not street machines nemore.. so its  ok RANT AWAY!!

You didn't even touch on cell phone users WTF! (good read though, and true)

quote:

ORIGINAL: 87 turbo II

You didn't even touch on cell phone users WTF! (good read though, and true)

There are lots of things I want to touch on, but I was keeping in mind that there will be later issues.

one thing though, there ARE those people like me, i make my car some of that stuff just to look retarded cus i think its funny as hell, i get so many people laughing when i pull up next to some sports car that looks like its fast and can kick my ass (i drive a 1988 323 hatchback btw) and mess around with em, like look over and rev up my engine and be like yeah, whats up, then i get smoked and everyone laughs and its a good time, so not all those little ricer-ish cars are wantin to be racers, i know my car sucks, i just make fun of it lol

what youve shared is mostly agreeable.  though, youre writing seems a bit overly biased.

not everyone with an exhaust system on their car is a "fast and ferocious" wannabe.  personally, i have a catback exhaust system on my I-4 mazda3 wagon and feel that it serves its purpose well on the autocross track by offering superb throttle response (also, i think my system has a deep, aggressive/pleasing tone and would definitely not be considered a "fart can").  no, i am not small-minded, thanks.

also, AWD and 4WD may be very helpful in slippery situations.  i know from first hand experience that an awd audi a6 avant or infiniti m35x is much more proper at handling itself in snowy conditions than my fwd m3 wagon.  on dry surfaces at speed though, the opposite holds true.  i agree that the key is to drive in accordance with the weather and conditions of road surfaces no matter what vehicle is being driven, but an awd vehicle will handle snow much better than and fwd if both are driven properly.

once again, nice job on the editorial.  i am in agreement with a lot of what you stated.  i feel, however, that your profane language might hurt the cause a bit...it distracts from your passion on the subject you are writing about.

congratulations on the new magazine.

for further articles, consider touching upon both positive and negative aspects of the automotive spectrum such as legal racing (auto-x, drag strip, etc), driving while talking on cell phones, and maybe automotive technologies  (safety, performance, etc.)

good luck.

quote:

ORIGINAL: 87 turbo II

You didn't even touch on cell phone users WTF! (good read though, and true)

I despise; cell phone talkers, make-up putter-oners, newspaper readers, the in-my-new-suit-and-need-to-impress writers, the "I just got my McD's and can't wait for a french fry while I drive home to work," and anyone who does not pay attention to their driving and the road that takes my life, and the lives of my passengers in their incapable hands, while wielding a 2-4,000 lb vehicle down any road @ 20mph or better.
That's my story and I'm stickin' to it!!  Non-negotiable.

 

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lupae3s

what youve shared is mostly agreeable. though, youre writing seems a bit overly biased.

not everyone with an exhaust system on their car is a "fast and ferocious" wannabe. personally, i have a catback exhaust system on my I-4 mazda3 wagon and feel that it serves its purpose well on the autocross track by offering superb throttle response (also, i think my system has a deep, aggressive/pleasing tone and would definitely not be considered a "fart can"). no, i am not small-minded, thanks.

also, AWD and 4WD may be very helpful in slippery situations. i know from first hand experience that an awd audi a6 avant or infiniti m35x is much more proper at handling itself in snowy conditions than my fwd m3 wagon. on dry surfaces at speed though, the opposite holds true. i agree that the key is to drive in accordance with the weather and conditions of road surfaces no matter what vehicle is being driven, but an awd vehicle will handle snow much better than and fwd if both are driven properly.

once again, nice job on the editorial. i am in agreement with a lot of what you stated. i feel, however, that your profane language might hurt the cause a bit...it distracts from your passion on the subject you are writing about.

congratulations on the new magazine.

for further articles, consider touching upon both positive and negative aspects of the automotive spectrum such as legal racing (auto-x, drag strip, etc), driving while talking on cell phones, and maybe automotive technologies (safety, performance, etc.)

good luck.

I kept all this in mind; however, I wrote the article with the intended audience being my area. In Staten Island, we don't have dirt roads, or twisty roads for that matter. We rarely get more that traces of snow, and it doesn't even rain that much at any one time. Therefore, the majority of the 4WD soccermobiles out here are pointless.

And I use the "fart can" term simply because it holds the predominance in the area. I don't mean it as an overview of the tuning community, just the posers here.

it's a good article. But i guess i'm just different. I laugh at hondas too. The ones with huge wings and mis matched paint and body kits that look like crap, however my taste in cars varies from others. I personally like the cars from fast n furious i'm into that taste. so if i see a car well done up such as the f & f ones I more then likely stare than laugh...But it IS a good article. I too have a friend with a "fart can" he has both a cavalier and a cobalt, but the sound is much deeper then the farting sound of a slow honda. I have a cat-back on my car and enjoy the sound as well. guess it's just everyone's opinions and most people build their cars based on how they feel and not what anyone else thinks...hope i made sense.